


Satisfied with Doubting

by Crystal059



Series: Pride Month Challenge [11]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic Kyouya, Gen, Mentioned Fujioka Haruhi, Mentioned Suoh Tamaki - Freeform, Self-Acceptance, bit of a self-insert to be honest, genderfluid Haruhi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 10:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystal059/pseuds/Crystal059
Summary: Sometimes finding the right label for yourself is only half the battle.
Series: Pride Month Challenge [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1036943
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Satisfied with Doubting

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: In all honesty, this is very much a self-insert and that was sort of but not really an accident on my part. A lot of the doubts and feelings and thoughts described in this are feeling and thoughts I myself have had before, and I think it's important they are talked about, however briefly. Also, again, it's not June. I'm very much aware of this fact, but I found the inspiration to write this short thing, and I just wanted to post it.  
Please, feel free to leave comments, about the story or about your own thoughts on romance, I'd really like to hear what people think!
> 
> Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and as I mentioned above, a lot of the thoughts being presented here are completely mine. Enjoy!

Kyoya doesn't understand romance. Yes, he helps run a club, the main focus of which is providing mostly girls with conversation and experiences that, it could be argued, involve a great deal of romance. But the concept of romance is much easier to understand than that same concept being put into action.

Society doesn't teach people the difference between love and romance - because there has to be some sort of difference, right? It's the easiest thing in the world to look at his parents, siblings, friends, and know that he loves them, but it's difficult to imagine him having any sort of romantic relationship with anyone. The sort of relationship Tamaki wants to have with Haruhi, because, yes, it's always Kyoya who has to hear all of Tamaki's pinings - so Kyoya hasn't got a lot to go off on here.

He's been on dates before, as well, and not just for the Host Club's clients. He's danced with girls, taken them out to restaurants, sat through family dinners with another affluent family present in order to meet their daughter and see if the marriage of him and this girl would be beneficial to both families. Kyoya's even gone out with a boy his age one time, interested in finding out if his lack of romantic attraction to females was due to him being gay. One date and kiss on the lips later, and the answer had been, no, he wasn't interested in guys either.

Now, Kyoya is a very practical person, very cool and suave, and so, of course, he's done his research. He's easily accepted the label of aromantic as a label that applies to him; he's read the personal online accounts of other people in the world who share this label with him. The problem is those times when he doubts, because he's only human, though others might forget this fact quite frequently.

Even without the constant exposure to the club, Kyoya is surrounded by romance: his parents, his siblings and their significant others, Tamaki, all the couples at school (arranged marriage or not), television shows, movies, social media, literature. There are countless things that are about romance, in one way or another and there are times, moments, days, when Kyoya can't do anything but marvel at other people's ability to love someone romantically. There are times when he simply doubts. That he's truly aromantic, that it can't be explained away when the right person comes along.

There are rare moments in these doubting times when Kyoya silently wishes that right person could be Haruhi. They're practical and level-headed a majority of the time, but they're also passionate and kind, and, in general, an amazing person and friend. But he knows, deep down, he knows he doesn't feel that way about Haruhi. It'd just be easier if he did.

The good news in all this, though? Kyoya's quite content with his life. Those moments of doubt have been somewhat steadily declining since Kyoya fit the label aromantic to himself. The personal online accounts by other aromantics help a lot, as well, and Kyoya has many of them saved on his computer so he can pull them up to reread whenever he wants to.

He doesn't know if those moments of doubt will ever truly go away, but Kyoya chooses to not focus on that kind of thinking. He's got his family (parents, siblings, Host Club) and there's no doubt in his mind that all of them will be exactly what he needs for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading! Happy Pride Month!
> 
> -Poison Ivy


End file.
